He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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