D3 body, D1 cock
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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