Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
