be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
