did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
