i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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