'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
