This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize