Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
