would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize