my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
