i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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