I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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