woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
