If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
its liver damage thursday
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