just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
