my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize