girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
farters have to be the big spoon...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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