Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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