You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize