i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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