I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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