What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
