Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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