Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
