Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize