dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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