You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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