Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
from now on my penis is your penis
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
