Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
