hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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