High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's always time for handjobs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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