It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
