If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
