Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
