Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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