u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My penis needs a shock collar
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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