Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
