Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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