I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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