All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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