ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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