Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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