just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
