I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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