i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
ttyl tear gas
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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