If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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