Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
