I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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