we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
