WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize