is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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