I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
