Jerry, you need to find god
I think my fart just growled at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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