Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
