she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
