Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she looked like the before picture.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
