Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
