He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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