can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
