Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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