I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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