I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
