In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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