miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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