So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
