i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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