and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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