so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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