bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
