Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
