she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
