One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
