She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
