dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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